The Butcher Shop
Hello there. For all general purposes you will know me as "The Butcher" when you are visiting this particular part of the site. You see, the butcher is a man, part Siskel, part Ebert, who has a passion for fine cinematography. At least that's how he justifies his lethargic social life which consists largely of laying around the couch consuming anywhere from two to six movies a week.

Now I might eventually get around to reviewing some of the old movies I have seen, but I don't want to bite off more than I can chew. For the time being I will try to keep up a steady pace of one cutting edge, highly accurate, and absolutely fascinating review per week. This will no doubt be your key deciding factor for movie selection the next time you and that sweet one you love decide to get wild and visit the cinema or local video rental store.

-The Butcher, the Buddha, the Lover of Food-a



rating=4.5 gallons of 2% milk.

Wow. With a name as cool as that, I knew we would be off to a great adventure. The Butcher, his wife and a room full of hot sweaty friends gathered for this event at Chach's house/sauna with great anticipation, and as you know already by the rating, it was a brilliant success. From the ads, I was expecting a very surreal Alice in Wonderland style movie, but in fact this was a very real movie, and that gave it much of its power.

The Dude (Jeff Bridges) is the guy we all know in one version or another in our own lives, and he provides a great connection throughout the movie's somewhat bizzare happenings. The Big Labowski is a story of how a charming slacker's life gets mixed up in a wild chain of events, but while his world is being rocked, he hangs on to his "Dudeness" and his integrity (as much as a bum like "The Dude" can possess).

My only two complaints in this movie are the language (they drop the "F" bomb a whopping 496,339.8 times in two hours) and the missed opportunity to make more of Steve Buschemi's character.

This is definitely a movie to watch with a group of friends: a lot of good laughs that just wouldn't be as funny by yourself.

-The Butcher, August 1998


rating=2.5 gallons of 2% milk

It's tough to say this, being that the Butcher's wife is a big Harrison Ford fan, but this movie blew. It had the big budget, a couple of big actors, and a popular novelist's story going for it, but it bombed. Now granted a two-and-a-half star rating is not awful, so it did have a couple of decent qualities to it, but not enough to justify the two hours of atrophy My buttocks endured, and the spinal damage that two-plus hours of couch potato posture causes.

Specifics are as follows: Too many characters, too many subplots, too slow moving. The characters never really develop enough to make you care at all what they are up to. The movie avoids dialogue in trade off for what looks like an attempt at building atmosphere or mood. It failed. Redeeming qualities? Good prevails, and umm, uhh. That's about it.

C'mon Hollywood, give us some credit. Just because it was a novel first, we cannot assume that it is intelligent material. This movie was clearly a shot at milking a few more bucks out of poor unsuspecting saps who will rent it just because it says "Tom Clancey" and "Harrison Ford" on the sleeve (It worked. After all who can resist that Harrison Ford guy?)

- The Butcher, August 1998


rating=3 gallons of 2% milk

The Butcher does not suffer from a poor self-image and that is how I can admit not only that I went to the store, picked this movie out, and watched the whole thing, but I also enjoyed it quite a bit. Do you remember when the first Wayne's World came out and we all laughed our butts off at these new fresh jokes? Well watching this movie is nothing like that. There are many plays on the jokes from the first movie, and as we all know "sha-wing", "sha, as if", and "not!" are still not funny due to the millions of dorks repeating these things at every opportunity following the release of the first movie.

Wait a second, I thought the Butcher said it was good. No, not exactly. I said it was funny. Although loaded with worn out jokes, and of course a childish plot and plenty of poor acting, this movie has some really fresh jokes that made me jiggle like a bowl full of jelly. It has been long enough since the burnout of the first Wayne's World that it is now safe to watch the second one without wanting to kick yourself in the groin. Enjoy.

-The Butcher, August 1998


rating=2.5 gallons of 2% milk

This movie gave me gas. It was a gas that develops because the subconscious sends a signal that says, there is not enough outside stimuli to sustain consciousness. Yeah you get the point. Boring. Another one of those long movies attempting to build a mood of country solitude and haunting pasts. Big whoop. I admit the main character played by Dennis Quaid was a likeable guy, and there was some connection there. However his real-life wife and his sweet- heart in the movie, played by Meg Ryan, failed miserably at her attempt to play the white trash with a rosy red heart. She seemed as though she never quite was connected with her character.

Technotes: Good acting by all but Meg Ryan (and a somewhat shaky performance by Gwenneth Paltrow as the drifting redneck scammer). Slow story with a very basic and unbelievably "coincidental" connections of nearly all the characters. Much ado about nothing.

-The Butcher, August 1998


rating=4 gallons of 2% milk

The Butcher was in his element here. Don't get me wrong, I am not a sci-fi super geek or anything, but I sure do like this particular genre of film-making. I admit that I was expecting more of a Blade-runner style movie in its style, but if I had to compare, I would say it was most reminiscent of Planet of the Apes. Now while I don't feel that this movie was super, I do feel like it is worth watching, especially if you are into this sort of films. This was the first movie to have laser generated holographic images, and let me tell you, you can tell. But that is part of the charm - the naivete and optimism that the viewer will not mind certain large indescrepancies in the movie. Also, who can resist that sixties style acting (as in Captain Kirk style overacting).

The movie is set in a post-apocalyptic world where in order to survive, all people live together in an enclosed city where pleasure is the ultimate goal, and where the balance of the city is carefully maintained by test-tube baby reproduction and termination of life on the day of the thirtieth birthday. Of course if you've read Brave New World or 1984 you can figure where the story line goes. A few people start to question this lifestyle and its reasonings, and this is the story of their quest for freedom and individuality. Its got a nice message, and a lot of unusual scenery and characters. See it. It's classic sci-fi.

-The Butcher, August 1998


rating=3 gallons of 2% milk

Not bad, but none too exciting either. Predictability was a definite downfall of this movie, along with an unsatisfying ending (Don't worry I won't tell you what happens). Although you couldn't see what was coming a mile away, you could definitely see it coming before it happened. The acting was very good; believable. There were a few pretty cool scenes as far as filming and location, but poo-poo-padoo there just isn't much you can say about this movie other than it had potential, but by the Butcher's standard, the movie fell short.

-The Butcher, August 1998


rating=3 gallons of 2% milk

That Adam Sandler is a funny guy. Too bad everyone else had to be in the movie. Drew Barrymore doesn't add a single laugh to the movie, and that's more than a little perplexing, considering she is the lead woman in this comedy. The movie was an extreme "hit or miss" flick. Some of the jokes and scenes are downright funny, but sheesh, the others are the kind that make you cringe. This is supposed to be a nostalgic mid-eighties film, and it certainly does make you laugh at what was cool to us then, but the writers were relentless in their efforts to pack objects, sayings, and music into the scenes whether they fit or not. This definitely got tiresome.

Overall it was worth seeing, but don't expect to laugh so hard it forces you to pass gas. Typical jokes, but good execution by Sandler.

-The Butcher, August 1998


rating=5 gallons of 2% milk

Were you ever so darn lazy that you didn't even feel like you could get to the video store? Of course you were, and so was I a couple of nights ago. It's a good thing that I bought the Trilogy for Rhonda a couple of winter's ago, or it would've been an awful night. Instead, I was blown away by this masterpiece, again. OK, yes I did see it in the theater when it was re-released a while back, but it was hard to really see the movie through all of that hype that was surrounding it. Now, though, I approached it with a fresh mind and watched it both for entertainment, and to see why it's a classic. It was easy to see.

There's nothing I can say about it that hasn't been said before, but I'll give my two cents. It was incredibly imaginative, and especially for its time - the creatures and ships and characters were all so fantastic, yet believable. The only part that really was a little much was how wussy Luke is - he's a total crybaby throughout the entire movie. Oh well, it provided a good contrast for Han Solo. How about some of my favorite scenes:

In the remake, Han Solo kills Grito in the bar only after being shot at. Not so in the old one. He just cold blooded kills the poor sap Grito with no warning and not that much provocation. It struck me as funny.

The funniest part of the whole movie has got to be when "Porkins" dies. What? Maybe you don't recall the scene, but watch for it next time. All men are suited up and heading out for battle against the Deathstar, and they cut to Porkins, who can barely fit in his fighter ship, is unshaven, and apparently has the gas. He just jiggles around in the cockpit for a while, and thirty seconds into the fight, Porkins is blasted. What statement was Lucas making with this character? Who knows. Go enjoy this flick.

-The Butcher, August 1998


rating=4 gallons of 2% milk

It's great when you go into a movie expecting super cheese, and it ends up only having a mild cheddar flavoring. That is the case with Disturbing Behavior. Most of you have seen the ads, and come on, doesn't it look like a pretty lame sci-fi thriller? Well for the most part, the plot is not too creative - evil scientist uses teenagers for mind control experiments-gone-wrong. BUT, that doesn't even matter, once the movie gets going, because as the onscreen mayhem increases, and as a result, your brain cells decrease, it ends up being a very enjoyable exciting and fun movie.

The movie's strongest attribute by far is its ability to force you into some crazy powerful nostalgic state, where you long for your days as a teenager, in spite of all of the hardships. Somehow, I left the theater longing to hop in the Delorian, flip the switch on the flux-capacitor, and head back to ninth grade. I love that feeling!

Also, some of the characters are just irresistible, like the main girl (the Dawson's Creek girl), the janitor, and Gavin, whose character I would love to see developed into a lead role in another movie. Good job Hollywood, you made a throwaway movie that is actually worth unwrapping before it hits the "Thank-You Bin".

-The Butcher, August 1998


rating=3 gallons of 2% milk.

Typical action movie here. Kind of cool. Some butt kicking, bad guy killing, bullet dodging, car chasing, and one-line dropping. Execution was good of course, with Bruce Willis doing the hero thing, that effeminate villain ("Just once, Joseph, I'd like to hear you scream"), and the quasi-chemistry between Bruce and funny-man Damon Wayans, but the writing was too run-of-the-mill to make it all matter.

-The Butcher, August 1998